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March 13, 2005
SJ 003 - Stagnant
Woke up sneezing and stuffy, I swear this house is the house of the neverending cold in the Winter. Yug. Woke up too damn early, this 6 am sleep and 8:30 am wake up is a bit much. Stupid cat, first sign of a blue sky and he thinks it's Spring and time to go outside and frolic. That's fine, just go frolic somewhere else!
I haven't done much with the mud lately, just haven't had the urge. Darkstar asked last night if any of the players actually read these staff journals and it made me think. I'm sure a few do, the ones who care will take the time to read them and that's who we do this for.
I've been at this mud stuff a long time now, 6 years is a long friggin' time. I'm not totally burned out but there's something not right with my thoughts. Losing an Immortal always gets to me and to lose one because they've become insensitive and cruel is an even bigger bite. I don't care how long a person has been imming for someone else, it's not the same as being the owner and to assume it is is arrogant and incorrect.
I'm about ready to wipe Dominion and a few other clans, I'm greatly disappointed in the way the clan has handled itself and the blog. When I do get back to the swing of things in the mud it will be understood that if we can put the time and effort into the code, the players can return the favour. Keeping an up to date blog was a requirement for leadership and I'm only seeing IOoDS do their part.
The numbers are down lately too. Bothers me a bit, I know it's not just us but yes, it is disheartening to come on and see two people on the who list and those who log on only to log right off. Why go through all the code and work if no one gives a crap, ya know? But I just wrote the news about that so I won't go into it too much right now.
Why hire new Immortals when there's no one for them to Imm over?
Why post info in forums when no one goes there?
Why post info in blogs when no one reads them?
Why work new code when no one's around?
Why care if no one else does?
Sounds like drama, I know it sounds like drama but it's not. I was accused by a heartless excuse of a human being of 'sounding like you're at a funeral' but it's really not drama. It's just matter of fact. I find it depressing when I log into my mud and see two people on. When something is depressing you have the choice to let it depress you, change it or walk away from it. There's no shame in closing a mud after a 6 year run, hell most muds don't last half that time. So it's not drama, it's just genuine wondering if it's time to let it go.
I actually had a player go on a tirade about Napoleon's still being around as an Immortal and then proceed to tell me his opinions of how bad the candidates who applied for Immortality were and then give me quite the condescending "Immortality holds no interest for me anymore." Holy mother of all pompous asses.. Things like that eat away at a person when you hear it too many times. No one offered you immortality, why do you feel the need to tell me it holds no interest for you? So amazingly arrogant.
No, Napoleon has not been made a staff member. He is still around because quite frankly he's an intelligent and entertaining guy who had brought some laughter into Jamaica. The accusations of cheating are insulting to my entire staff, I think we would know if a 105 is cheating and ToD auto-logs a lot of commands such as set, load, restrings, renames, etc. When it's time to go, he'll step down and into IOoDS leadership and is more than invited to apply for an official spot. But that's really not any of anyone's business now, is it? HA! Some people have to opine on anything.
Nine people applied for Immortality, when the hell was the last time we had 9 people on the who list? If I were applying for Immortality and the game was in a lull, I would be there as much as possible trying to liven it up. Needless to say none of the nine have knocked me off my feet with their effort.
I miss Squiggy, were Squiggy around I'd probably Imm him as one of the three. He got me, he understood everything I ever said to him and even with the bitter arguments, there was a genuine bond. There really isn't anyone else I connect to in the same way (nothing like that, pervs) and I miss it. I've been having a real crisis of faith as far as people are concerned lately and it only makes me appreciate even more the few that are for real and that's you, Squiggy. I'll save the crisis of faith for another entry.
I don't expect many people to read this. The Imms will and maybe one of two of the morts but I don't expect a crowd. I don't need a crowd, I needed to get this off my (ample) chest and clear my head a bit. It's six days till my birthday, there's a lot in my mind and I needed to sort this out.
I guess I'll figure it all out as I go.
Doobie doobie doo.
Posted by Strega at March 13, 2005 01:23 PM